I remember hearing about an exercise where you write a letter to yourself. I thought about what I'd write to my fifteen year old self. I let my mind wander and I came up with this.
I know you'll be surprised receiving this letter and you'll probably will find it long-winded. You'll also feel that most of this will not apply to you. Why would it? Right now you feel your life is full of hardships and that it can't get any worse. You feel alone and unsupported. No-one understands you.
I'm writing this to you out of love and concern hoping you'll take onboard what I'm trying to convey in these words. Not lectures or orders, but a different way forward.
You'll still experience difficult times but hopefully you'll be better equipped to deal with them by reading this.
Trust yourself. I know it sounds cliché but you'll have times that you'll doubt your inner voice and decide to succumb to outside pressure. Don't do this. Trust you know what's best for you. Listen to other points of views but remember that fundamentally it's your life and it should be your decision. How you deal with things now will subconsciously become a pattern. Stop this before it even begins.
Be proud of your written work. I know you're a closet romantic. You stay up late with soft music, candles and your poetry book. You jot down your thoughts and feelings but are too afraid to let others in. You don't show your words to anyone and belittle your own creations. I know due to English not being your first language you have no confidence in it. Be proud of your work. Any creation is a small miracle that will unfold better things and will help you grow. Don't hide what you give life to.
Romance. I bet this topic interests you! You will confuse love by the words used rather than the actions. Don't let that slow you down. Take from it what you can. You'll discover yourself through these relationships if you take care to focus on your faults rather than theirs.
Now this one is just as important so listen up! You don't have to smile all the time. You're doing this now and it will become a bad habit. You're not a robot. You'll have good days and bad days. It's exhausting to constantly be smiling to fit into an image others have of you. There's no need for you to act a 'happy' role all the time. Learn to be honest with yourself and others.
Now this one is close to my heart. Appreciate the loved ones around you. They won't always be there. Tomorrow isn't written in stone. Let them know they're loved and cared for. That their lives in yours is a blessing.
Be brave. Don't limit yourself through an abstract idea of failing. I know you don't get a lot of support at home but that's no reason to expect the worse without even trying. No reason to start things and be too afraid to see them through. If you fail it will still be a useful growth experience but if you win...oh! If you win!
Welcome happiness. Why are you so afraid of being happy? Happiness is when you let go and just learn to be. Stop trying to fit a mold. You say you're being yourself. Are you really? Is this the real you or the outside image you allow the public to see. Are you doing what you love? Start to recognize when your mask slips back on. It becomes easy to believe that the mask is your true face. Actively remind yourself to take it off when old habits creep up.
Read. Not just what you need for study or work. You love reading. It has helped you improve English and taught you the value of words. Don't let life stop you from doing something you love.
Learn to cook. Trust me, you'll need this one. It would be a bonus if you also learn a musical instrument. Don't let the guitar you'll get in a few years sit in the corner! Bad me!
Start early on Korean! Seriously! Earlier you start the better! If you can, go live there for a bit! What's stopping you!
There's so much more I'd like to put in this letter but I'll never stop and I know you want to get back to your historical romance and soft music.
Just remember that whatever happens you'll survive it. It'll help you grow and become stronger. Don't resent it. Welcome it.
Last but not least, you're loved. You're not alone.
Sending you lots of love.
From me to me.❤