I've noticed that interaction with people since the beginning of the pandemic has become harder than it used to be. This is partially due to the numerous lockdowns but that's not the only reason.
I was chatting to a close friend about this and something unforeseen occurred. It took me to a feasible explanation of why I am now finding it difficult to engage with people again.
I have been peeling away the layers, the many masks that I consciously and unconsciously had been donning every day pre-Covid. With each disposal, I have felt lighter and have obtained a clearer vision of where I want to go.
It is almost like being reborn to a time before I became jaded and just flowed along with no clear direction. I have more purpose and drive now. Of course, that's not every day but I'm convinced that I'm transforming for the better.
In itself, this is tremendous and something I am delighted about but how to persevere with this pace once I reintroduce myself to people around me again? Will I be true to my existing path or gradually regress to my old habits and ways? Will I even know when I trip up?
Recent solitude has made it easier to focus on where I need to improve and evolve but that's due to not having any distractions. Will I be prepared to maintain this once the momentum around me also picks up from all directions?
I believe this is the actual motive behind my present aversion to stepping back into society.
Will I be striding ahead into a world recharged with new opportunities or backwards by slowly reapplying those same masks that I took great pains to peel off?